i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
