hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
