i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
