I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
