I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
