HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
