Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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