I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
