i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize