I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
