Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
COCAINE IS GR8
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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