Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
