why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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