I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
