My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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