There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
