You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
