I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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