I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
