you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I still have a little drunk in my system
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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