Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
