I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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