Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
