I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize