Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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