That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
