bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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