so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Randomize
