My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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