We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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