Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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