there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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