Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
