So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
