please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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