I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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