I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
