I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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