Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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