if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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