He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
