I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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