i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize