the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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