I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize