everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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