a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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