too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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