I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
