I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's never too late to be topless.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
