He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
