this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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