I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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