he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Shame is for Republicans.
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