She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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