Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
