I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
