i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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