After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
