Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
