how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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