I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
