If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
