i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize