I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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