using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
