Moan for me like Helen Keller
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
