When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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