She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
